No. Power.

[00:00:07] Speaker A: You gotta be bold. This story gotta be told own your fierceness gon and glow. This is Sonja Empowers show. Stay on go like a lion who on the prowl Sonja Sells help you get it. We doing it and doing it now. [00:00:28] Speaker B: Hey Empowered disruptors. Welcome back to the Sonja Empowers Show where I ignite your online business and help you own your fierceness. Embrace your unique beauty, talents and strengths. Rise above fear and step into your destiny as you build empires and shatter expectations together. Today we're diving into a topic that's crucial for your sanity and your success. Saying no. That's right, we're talking about no power. Why does that little word feel so heavy? Why do we as ambitious individuals often feel guilty about uttering it? Let's break it down. Why the guilt? A deep dive. It's more than just a simple reluctance. We're dealing with a complex web of factors. Firstly, social conditioning plays a massive role. From childhood, we're taught to be polite, agreeable and helpful. Saying no can feel like a direct violation of those deeply ingrained norms. Especially for women. Societal expectations often equate quote unquote niceness with always saying yes, creating a deep seated fear of being perceived as rude. We also grapple with the fear of rejection and disproval. Humans have a fundamental need for belonging. Saying no can feel like risking rejection or damaging relationships. Especially in our professional lives. We worry about burning bridges, missing out on opportunities. Then there's empathy and over responsibility. As entrepreneurs, we're often highly empathetic, making it hard to turn down requests. Especially when we perceive someone in need, we can fall into the trap of feeling overly responsible for others problems. And let's not forget the internalized scarcity mindset. You know, the dreaded FOMO fear of missing out. We worry. Saying saying no closes doors. And finally, sometimes it comes from low self worth. Believe it or not, we believe our time is less valuable than others. But here's the harsh truth. The side effects of saying no, of not saying no, excuse me, are devastating. Burnout, resentment, compromised work of quality of work, strained relationships, and a total loss of focus. Can anyone relate? You end up spreading yourself so thin you're effective at nothing. You're giving everyone else your time and energy and leaving nothing for yourself. Now how fair is that? But let's flip the script. The benefits of saying no more detailed exploration. First enhance time management and productivity. Saying no lets you strategically allocate your time to high impact tasks. By eliminating distractions, you focus on core goals. Then improved mental and emotional well being. Setting boundaries reduces stress and overwhelm, leading to increased energy and clarity. Ironically, it can lead to strengthened relationships. People appreciate honesty and respect your boundaries. It also leads to increased authenticity and self respect. Saying no aligns you with your values and fosters self ownership. You gain greater clarity and focus by eliminating distractions. And most importantly, it's empowering, y'all. Saying no puts you in control of your time and your life. But what happens when your nos are ignored? This is where things get tricky sometimes. So what to do when your nos are being ignored? Well, be firm and consistent. Repeat your no without offering additional justifications. You have to break free from that old mindset and those old habits. Set clear boundaries. Communicate your limits explicitly. Limit contact if necessary. Reduce your interactions with the person who disregards your boundaries. Seek support, talk to a mentor or trusted friend for advice. And finally, re evaluate the relationship. Sometimes it's required to distance yourself from people who do not respect your boundaries. Okay. I've had to do this several times throughout the years in my personal relationships, but also in business, being an executive assistant for so long, like, I had a full clientele for 7 years until I changed my business model. And now I rarely take on executive clients. You know, in that executive assistant capacity, I would say maybe about. I think I have like one client right now. That's it, just one where I perform some executive assistant work. But majority of the work that I perform is more project management, operations management in nature. So with that being said, I noticed that when I've separated from clients in the past, usually it's because is those who they are nice, like, hey, they're nice, we have potential, but at the same time, they don't respect boundaries. Okay. And so, for example, I remember one client, like, we got along great. Like, we literally, I thought we got along great. I saw some of the things that was causing bottlenecks in her, in her company. And, you know, so oftentimes I had to take on like a mentorship or coaching role, even though I had the title of an executive assistant. So that's just something that's unique about me. Sometimes I have to take off the executive assistant hat and then I will have to put on, you know, maybe the mama bear hat or the coaching hat, you know, whatever kept my clients motivated. And so I remember there were a couple of times in the beginning of our relationships where she crossed boundaries. And so during the kickoff call, I always set the tone with my clients. Like, literally, I tell them my office hours. You know, I tell them literally, I give them a run through of my calendar, how my day is structured. You know, I let them know I do not answer emails or phone calls on the weekend, you know, and I set those boundaries, like from the jump. Like they know what they're getting into. And so I remember one day I was outside doing yard work with my now husband. Like, I got kind of like this 911 text from her. And I was like, what in the world's going on? Because I'm pretty, like, great when it comes to organization. And so I'm like, there was nothing outstanding when I signed off Friday. So here it is Saturday. And it just so happened I took a break and I saw that I had these text messages. And when I read through the text messages, they were like, did you schedule this appointment? You know, she needed some, like some trees or something cut down in our yard, and she didn't see it on her calendar and all this other stuff. And I was like, I know, I did this, right? So she crossed the boundary, you know, but when I looked, I sent her emails, I sent her end of week reports with this information on it. It was on her calendar. It was just that she did not look. Like, she just did not look. And it was just instinctively just to run to her EA instead of her checking, you know, taking ownership and checking these things because she already knew my office hours. And so I had to reiterate that during our meeting. And she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And so I kept on noticing that she would cross those boundaries. And from time to time, and you really think, especially when a new client is just like within that first 30 days, it's just like a period of adjustment. But as time progresses, they should respect those boundaries that you have set. And you sometimes have to continue to be consistent and firm with it. And so I really thought that we had like a great relationship. We had worked out the kinks. But long story short, during our exit, because I was moving on from the company I was contracted with, it had got back to me that she was like, sonia, she has this rigid schedule and I had to do all this work and it was just like mind blowing to me. And so with that being said, I want to share that when a person doesn't respect your boundaries, right? And my boundaries are tied to my core values. And so everything I do, I center around my core values, especially in business. So I have like seven core values. And when I'm doing client work, I'm asking myself, is this done in excellence? Because that's one of my core values. And so it was amazing how you know, when a person does not respect boundaries, they won't take accountability as well, you know. And so once this was brought to the light with me, I was really shocked because in this individual had been interviewed by this company, she had just, she was singing me praises during the interview. It was all over a major social media platform. She had even mailed me a, like a going, like a going away gift to my home. She wanted my personal number, you know, and everything. But then on the back end she was like bad talking me. And then the truth came out. She really had a problem with me having what she called a rigid schedule. But in my eyes it wasn't rigid. It was the balance. It's the work life balance that I know exists. It was, you're going to respect the, my boundary of not contacting me on Saturday or Sunday. Why? Or outside of office hours. Why? Because you already have me Monday through Friday for up to eight hours a day. So with that being said, do not allow anyone to place guilt on you when you are being firm and consistent with your. No, they will get used to it and respect it or they will not get used to it and they will have to move on. And so don't be afraid if you have to place distance between yourself and someone who clearly does not want to respect your boundaries. Look for the early warning signs. You know, if you're like, hey, we're 90 days into this business relationship and they are consistently ignoring these, these clear guidelines that have set so that I can have healthy boundaries, so I can have, you know, great mental health, whatever the case may be. And if you continue to see those red flags and they continue to ignore them, then you're going to have to reevaluate the situation. You know, what is it costing your peace of mind, you know, because not everything is worth the, is about the money. And so only you can determine what you will and won't allow. Okay? And so sometimes that means that you have to take some time to self reflect, to self assess and to write out, you know, your core values, you know, what you stand for, you know, what are your non negotiables to where it's like, okay, I will not, like for example, I will not work past a certain time, you know, and then what you do is you begin to reinforce that right? And fireproof that. So it may be, let's say for example, you are an executive assistant, if that means turning your notifications off, your email notifications off your business phone notifications off, you know, on your off days, then so be it. Then do so. That's something that you have control over. So I hope me just sharing that example helps you, right? And helps to build up your confidence to where you don't feel bad about saying no. Okay. And it can be done in a very classy and professional way too. But whoever's on the other end receiving that no, they know like they know that your no is non negotiable. All right, so now it's time for your fab. You guessed it, your fierce action breakthrough assignment. All right, number one. Okay, this is all about this fab assignment is all about the no audit. Okay, The N O audit. All right, let's jump in. Number one, list everything. So for the next week, write down every request or opportunity that comes your way. Number two, rate your energy. Next to each item, rate how much energy it will require from you. One to 10. Okay. Number three, assess alignment. Evaluate how well each item aligns with your core goals and values. 4. Practice saying no. Choose at least three items that are low alignment or high energy and practice saying no using the techniques we discussed. And five, reflect at the end of the week, journal about how you feel. Did you reclaim time? Did your energy shift? Remember, your time and energy are your most valuable assets. By mastering the art of saying no, you're not just protecting them. You're empowering yourself to create a more focused, fulfilling, and successful entrepreneurial journey. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Sonja Empowers Show. I'd love to hear your feedback. Leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. Connect with me on social media @SonjaSells. If you enjoyed this episode, please like share and subscribe. For more business empowerment resources, visit sonjasells.com and for additional resources on personal growth and inspiration, Visit chakeletdrapinspired.com until next time. Empowered Disruptors Break free. Be fierce.