Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Speaker A: You gotta be bold. This story gotta be told own your fierceness gon and glow. This is Sonja Empowers show. Stay on go like a lion who on the prowl sonja sells help you get it. We doing it and doing it now.
[00:00:28] Speaker B: Hey empowered disruptors. Welcome back to the Sonja Empowers show where I ignite your online business and help you own your fierceness, embrace your unique beauty, talents and strengths. Rise above fear and step into your destiny as you build empires and shatter expectations together.
Today, we're diving deep into a topic that affects all of us, especially in our hyper connected world. Inadequacy and the insidious trap of comparison.
Let's start with the big question. What exactly is inadequacy?
It's that nagging feeling, that inner voice whispering that you're not good enough, not smart enough, not successful enough. It's the shadow that creeps in when we look at others and see only their highlight reel, their curated success.
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
We're wired for social comparison. It's a primal instinct. Historically, it helped us gauge our standing within a tribe, ensuring survival. But in today's world, this instinct can be incredibly damaging. We see carefully crafted images and narratives online and we naturally measure ourselves against them, often unfairly.
The root cause? Lack of self awareness and self acceptance. The root of this comparison lies in a lack of self awareness and self acceptance. When we don't truly know and accept ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses, our unique journey, we become vulnerable to external validation. We look outside ourselves for a measure of worth.
So let's talk about what is self awareness and self acceptance. Self awareness. This involves understanding your values, your beliefs, your motivations and your emotional triggers. It's about knowing your why.
Without this foundation, we're easily swayed by the opinions and achievements of others.
Self acceptance, this is the radical act of embracing yourself, flaws and all, is understanding that you are worthy. Not because of what you do or what you have, but simply because of who you are. This acceptance creates an internal sense of security, making external comparisons less impactful.
I'll tell you a funny story and you know, I'm very careful what I share about my personal life, but my husband, you know, he told me one time, he said, you know, you are in a category all by yourself.
And I say, yeah, I know I can be a handful. And he'll jokingly say, yes, both hands. But in all seriousness, he told me, he says, sonia is something about you. He said, if I put you in a, in a room with 10 other women, they could Be highly educated. They can come from all different types of economical backgrounds. You know, they could just be very successful business women. He said, it's something about you that makes you stand out in a crowd. I don't know if you realize this about yourself, but it is something about you, is something about your presence. It's something about how you carry yourself to where you stand out. And I was like, you know, I kind of have heard something along that line before, but I don't know what it is. I mean, I don't wear the latest fashions. You won't see me made up every day and you know, and dressed, you know, wearing stilettos every day and all this other stuff. And he was like, no, it's not about that. It's just something about your presence. You know, it's something about the way that you carry yourself with confidence, like it shows. And other people could see that too.
So I just wanted to share that, that, you know, you may not understand why people are drawn to you, but I'm telling you that when you put off a scent of, you know, fierceness and boldness and confidence like, and you own it like you own your fierceness. And you've heard me share that sometimes about owning your fierceness, which is your unique beauty, talent, strengths, that's what makes you who you are. That's your genetic makeup, your DNA. You know, people, they take notice, they take notice of that. So just keep that in mind.
Now I want to talk about the side effects of comparison business and beyond comparison doesn't just erode our self esteem, it sabotages our business. It leads to paralysis. That is fear of not measuring up, which can prevent us from taking necessary risks, inauthentic actions. We might chase trends or mimic others losing sight of our unique value proposition. And the worst thing you can do, y'all, is go out there, become a cookie cutter, you know, of someone else style and someone else business swag and you know, and lose yourself along the way. And then all of a sudden business blow up and now you have created this false Persona and now you're trying to keep up with it. That's like one of the worst things you can do. So you might as well, you know, grow into this thing. You might as well embrace your growing pains, you know, and that means embracing the bloops and blunder, those trials and errors, you know, and everything that comes along with business.
To truly take yourself on this self discovery journey to where your authentic self, you know, comes out and shines through, you might as well embrace all of that. Which means that, like me, I've, I make bloopers all the time on this podcast. No, I don't want them edited out. Because guess what? Most people, when they talk, and believe me, I have been, you know, in meetings with multimillionaires, they say, you know, like, stumble on their words. They get butterflies, just like us. I mean, so I'm sitting up here like, why do I need to create this Persona that I'm always talking? Polished, right? Just because I say doesn't mean I'm not educated. So we really have to change the mindset and stop playing into these stereotypes that we have heard. You know, stop buying into the lies, stop drinking a Kool Aid. That's something we say in the south. Like, just stop it and just figure out who you are and what works for you, you know, and everything. Maybe somewhere along the line I'll take a speech course or something, I don't know. But at the same time, you know, people are not hiring me, you know, because I'm polished, you know, and everything. It's something that they see that, that they connect with me or my story. They're connecting somehow with me and that's drawing them to me and it's empowering them, you know, to take action and so progress over perfection. You hear it all the time. It's not a cheesy cliche, it's just the way it is.
Also, you know, it can lead to burnout, right? So constantly striving for unattainable ideal leads to exhaustion and resentment. Let me tell you something. You know, you can sit up here and, and you're like, I don't even want to get on social media today. If, if I see one more post of somebody who said that they just hit six figures in their business or they just closed on a five figure deal, I'm just going to scream. I just, you know, and you're like, I'm not even a jealous person. I'm not even an envious person. So why am I feeling resentful, right, of someone else? Success? Could, could it be perhaps that you have hit burnout mode and don't even know it?
Think on that.
Also, missed opportunities. We may overlook our own strengths and opportunities because we're fixated on what others are doing. Like, sometimes you have to take your eyes off of other people and just focus on running your race. Okay, I know, I know that in business, you know, especially when you're doing market research, then they'll tell you like, hey, you know, check out your competitors I get it, you know, but when I'm coaching individuals, I do not say competitors. Like the only time you hear me say that word competitors when I'm coaching individual is because they lack the knowledge of the term that I have coined. And so in my business I say, you know, research your advanced colleagues, right? Because part of my job is helping individuals, particularly women in their mid-30s, like, help them shift their mindset so they can be successful in business and won't self sabotage. And so I'll say go have and research your advanced colleagues, you know, AKA competitors. And I have to say that until they get used to that term, advanced colleagues. And then I don't have to say competitors no more. But in actuality, I don't look at myself having competitors I really don't like. I know there are other individuals who specialize in business coaching and you know, they're out there helping others start online businesses and they may have their own programs or whatever, but I don't look at them as being competition. There is no way that I can be in competition with someone who has been on the scene as a business coach for the past 20 years, who have a team of 10, you know, who is generating multi million dollars in revenue, you know, and everything. I can't compete with that. And let's say I'm in year one link. That doesn't even, that's not even a fair comparison. So that's why I say you're really not in competition with anyone. You're not. They're just an advanced colleague, which means that they have a little bit more knowledge, you know, a little bit more skin in the game than you. That's it. That doesn't necessarily mean that their material, their content is better than yours. They just have an extraordinary team that's backing them up and making them look good. And guess what? If they're paying their team money, you know, to operate in their gifts and talents, then they should make them look good. There's, that's their job, to make them look good. If I hire you, you know, as my YouTube editor, then it's your job to make me look good, you know, on video and to, to work all the special effects to make me look good, you know, and everything. So you have to just change your mindset around all of this, otherwise you're going to drive yourself crazy and you're going to start having those icky feelings of inadequacy and everything. And it's like, no, not so. You are enough. Your products, your services are amazing and they will Only get better as time progress.
Okay, enough said. Now let's talk about strategies to conquer caparisonitis. Okay. Yes. Let's talk about comparisonitis. So how do we break free from this cycle? 1. Cultivate radical self awareness. You can do this by journaling. Regularly reflect on your thoughts, feelings and experiences. It's not just something we did when we were in junior high, high school. It is relevant and very effective even today.
Mindfulness meditation. So practice being present and observing your inner dialogue without judgment. This has nothing to do with, you know, religion or anything you know, whether you are religion or not. It works. And you need to be mindful and present of that inner dialogue without judgment. Seek feedback. Ask trusted mentors or peers for honest feedback on your strengths and areas for growth, okay? They can see things that you may not be able to see about yourself. 2. Embrace self acceptance. Affirmations. Use positive self talk to reinforce your worth. Okay? Self comparison. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.
Recognize your own unique journey. Everyone has their own path. This is not a. This is not a race, okay? Everyone has their own path, okay? And on that path, you're gonna have your struggles, you're gonna have your triumphs, okay? So recognize that your journey is unique to you. 3. Set personal milestones. Define what success means to you, not anyone else.
Break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. 4. Limit social media exposure. Be intentional about your online consumption. Unfollow accounts that may trigger feelings of inadequacy.
Focus on creating meaningful connections.
5. Practice gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal. Express appreciation for the good things in your life and business.
6. Seek inspiration, not comparison. Learn from other successes without trying to replicate them.
Focus on extracting valuable lessons and applying them to your own journey.
And seven, embrace your own pace. Once again, understand that success is not a race, okay? Focus on consistent progress rather than instant results.
I'll tell you, like there, I have seen it. I've worked with so many startup companies and I've seen it where these startup companies have had to go back to the drawing board over and over again. And then it may be year three, year four, and it's. It's like, oh, we got it, we found our sweet spot and all of a sudden things just take off for them and revenue is. It's just flowing in, just begin to flow in and everything. And so once again, entrepreneurship is not for the faint at heart, you know? And you're in it to win it long term, okay? So just remember to focus on consistent progress because more than likely, you're not going to always have instant results. Okay, now it is time for your fab assignment. You guessed it. Your Fierce Action Breakthrough assignment for the week. All right. Day one spend 15 minutes journaling about your core values and what success truly means to you personally. Day 2 Identify three things you are grateful for related to your journey. Write these down.
Day 3 Unfollow or mute any social media account that consistently triggers feelings of comparison.
Day 4 Write down three of your strengths and three things that you accept about yourself.
Day 5 Meditate or do mindfulness for five minutes, focusing on self acceptance.
Day 6 Reach out to a mentor or peer and ask for honest feedback on one area you want to grow in.
Celebrate one small victory from your week. Remember your journey is unique and valuable. Focus on your growth, embrace your individuality and conquer caparisonitis. You are enough.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Sonja Empowers Show. I'd love to hear your feedback. Leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. Connect with me on Social media @ Sonja Sells. If you enjoyed this episode, please like share and subscribe. For more business empowerment resources, visit sonjasells.com and for additional resources on personal growth and inspiration, visit chakeletdrapinspired.com until next time. Empowered Disruptors Break free. Be fierce.
